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  top five things i wish people would stop wearing

1. those yellow rubber bracelets. every time i see one i think well THERE'S someone i can't bum a smoke from.

2. rosaries-as-necklaces. (do you even know what that's FOR?)

3. polo shirts with the oversized logo. OKAY, polo, i get it, polo, polo.

4. 7 jeans. their tags read "seven: for all mankind. $230." (hmm.)

5. tee shirts with slogans so awkward you feel embarrassed just reading them (including, "if you think i'm a bitch you should meet my mother" "not everything's flat in kansas" and "cloning is cool.") i wish i could tell these people "next time you feel an urge to shop at urban outfitters, i want you to take the money and throw it away."  ¶ 3:14 PM

  let there be light

what a great name.  ¶ 10:49 AM

  fresh out of batteries but still making noise

sometimes i think my apartment is the most mellow place on earth. in fact, someday when i am older and a yuppie, and maybe even (gasp) married, i could have a soft-sleep-machine that makes noises that make me feel safe.

it could have an SS setting:

send it! . . . ship it! . . . ship . . . the POT . . . to ME . . . IMMEDIATELY . . . FOLD! . . . i think i'd dig the south . . . i hate it here . . . .

or the GC setting?

you guys gotta come to north carolina . . . just so you can see what NC is all about . . . dude . . . have you ever tried to write drunk in total darkness?

or the liripipe setting?

how do you spell darkness? the king is gone but but he's not . . . how do you spell "forgotten?"  ¶ 10:00 PM

  drunken gratuity: a guide

"living in new york is a sisyphean struggle against common sense . . . ."

there was a good article in the ny press this week that you should read.  ¶ 11:18 AM

  back in the game

eb white once wrote "no one should live in new york unless they're willing to be lucky."

and i am. willing always, lucky sometimes.

and this website is clutch.  ¶ 7:17 PM

  naivete strikes again

me: so, you guys are real hunters and gatherers.

shawn: yea. not like the states. lobster, salmon . . . mushrooms . . .

katinka: blueberries . . . it's all free.

shawn: reindeer . . .

me: reindeer!

shawn: well, sure.

me: reindeer are for santa claus, not for eating!!

(laughter)

me: alright, alright. how bout another round.  ¶ 5:12 PM

  naivete

katinka: you didn't bring a bikini??

me: um. no. i thought it would be . . . snowing.

katinka: did you think there would be polar bears too? here, borrow mine.

naivete also

katinka: these are the fields . . .

me: wow. pretty.

katinka: that's -- what you call -- stuff to make flow-er?

me: flour?

katinka: for bread?

me: yea. in english it's "wheat."

katinka: wheat. we have lots of wheat. do you have wheat in kansas?  ¶ 9:02 AM

  commies

oslo, with its 25% sales tax, is enough to give a new yorker pause. was i really COMPLAINING about 8 cents on the dollar two weeks ago? zowie. no wonder they sell cigarettes by the half-pack here.  ¶ 3:00 AM

  norwegians are cute

thank you = takk

no = nei

good afternoon = god dag

please/you're welcome = vær så god

cheers! = skål!

do you take credit cards? = tar du kredittkort?

i gathered a million blueberries today off the side of a mountain and drank from a freezing clear stream. a girl named katinka helped me gather shells on the beach. she introduced me to norwegian trance and brown cheese for breakfast.

norway keeps a low profile and it's a good thing. if everyone saw what i see, everyone would be here . . . and norway wouldn't be norway.  ¶ 12:03 PM

  goodbye

i am splittin. for britain. and norway.  ¶ 3:12 PM

  those waffles must have been out of this world

when it comes to reality, i tend to look to old people or children. everyone else is just concerned with sex and power. manhattan is concerned with sex and power.

but queens. queens. queens is like the redheaded stepchild of new york. where do you put everything that tall, ice-blonde manhattan doesn't want to deal with? where do you put the dead people, the world's fairs, the airports?

queens, every time.

living in queens has its upsides. i can make an escape to anyplace in the country from the jfk or laguardia. i can take long, morbid, drunken walks in the cemetery belt. and my favorite comfort spot is a short train ride away: flushing medows park, the site of both the 1939 and 1964 world's fairs.

of course, this was all a long time ago. the only people who come to this museum anymore are tour busses full of people who are old enough to remember and skaters, who take advantage of the huge empty globe fountain. it reminds me of kansas city, all those skaters and old people, and a museum no one seems to be interested in anymore.

walking through the deserted, fading exibits of a fair long gone, i discovered an old notebook filled with huge, old-fashioned, loopy handwriting. the sign above it read: please write your memories of the 1939 or the 1964 world's fair here.

here are a few of the gems:

I remember learning the difference between boys and girls because I didn't want to go to the bathroom and my sister did. I was seven.

The animated Licoln and the people in the World of Tomorrow were simply amazing. The idea of an invention that could cook food in a few seconds seemed impossible! The best food was the Belgian waffles and the BBQ sandwiches from the Kansas City pavillion. I could never find any so good.

I didn't have the 25 cents to get into the 1939 world's fair. I climbed the fence. I tore my pants. I didn't care.

During the 1964-65 World's Fair period there had been some discussion in the art world regarding the sexual orientation of Michaelangelo. I had never given it much thought. It was the art that mattered. But when I stepped into the room with the Pieta on display I knew immediately that he was what we now call gay.

I saw the future. It was wonderful.

I remember the Bell-Gem waffles.

The Pieta was magnificent, also the Belgian Waffles.

My little sister and I got Heinz pickle pins. We thought we had recieved Tiffany jewels. The Belgian waffles were perfect.

My father was a carpenter who worked on many of the buildings. We got free passes to go. We were so proud of him and of ourselves as a family. We had a wonderful day together, which was rare.

I remember the blue velvet hush of the Pieta and the Belgian waffles.

I was excited to think that the future would have video/telphones.

i wish i were a kid again. i can't wait to be old. and i sure wish i could have had one of those belgian waffles.  ¶ 9:13 PM

  nobody here but us chickens

if you haven't seen rebel without a cause yet this summer, do yourself a favor and rent it.  ¶ 3:34 PM

  it could be worse

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

in other news: nomikkh almost gets the slammer for picking petals off a daisy.  ¶ 2:12 PM