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  top five things i wish people would stop wearing

1. those yellow rubber bracelets. every time i see one i think well THERE'S someone i can't bum a smoke from.

2. rosaries-as-necklaces. (do you even know what that's FOR?)

3. polo shirts with the oversized logo. OKAY, polo, i get it, polo, polo.

4. 7 jeans. their tags read "seven: for all mankind. $230." (hmm.)

5. tee shirts with slogans so awkward you feel embarrassed just reading them (including, "if you think i'm a bitch you should meet my mother" "not everything's flat in kansas" and "cloning is cool.") i wish i could tell these people "next time you feel an urge to shop at urban outfitters, i want you to take the money and throw it away."  ¶ 3:14 PM

  let there be light

what a great name.  ¶ 10:49 AM

  fresh out of batteries but still making noise

sometimes i think my apartment is the most mellow place on earth. in fact, someday when i am older and a yuppie, and maybe even (gasp) married, i could have a soft-sleep-machine that makes noises that make me feel safe.

it could have an SS setting:

send it! . . . ship it! . . . ship . . . the POT . . . to ME . . . IMMEDIATELY . . . FOLD! . . . i think i'd dig the south . . . i hate it here . . . .

or the GC setting?

you guys gotta come to north carolina . . . just so you can see what NC is all about . . . dude . . . have you ever tried to write drunk in total darkness?

or the liripipe setting?

how do you spell darkness? the king is gone but but he's not . . . how do you spell "forgotten?"  ¶ 10:00 PM

  drunken gratuity: a guide

"living in new york is a sisyphean struggle against common sense . . . ."

there was a good article in the ny press this week that you should read.  ¶ 11:18 AM

  back in the game

eb white once wrote "no one should live in new york unless they're willing to be lucky."

and i am. willing always, lucky sometimes.

and this website is clutch.  ¶ 7:17 PM

  naivete strikes again

me: so, you guys are real hunters and gatherers.

shawn: yea. not like the states. lobster, salmon . . . mushrooms . . .

katinka: blueberries . . . it's all free.

shawn: reindeer . . .

me: reindeer!

shawn: well, sure.

me: reindeer are for santa claus, not for eating!!

(laughter)

me: alright, alright. how bout another round.  ¶ 5:12 PM

  naivete

katinka: you didn't bring a bikini??

me: um. no. i thought it would be . . . snowing.

katinka: did you think there would be polar bears too? here, borrow mine.

naivete also

katinka: these are the fields . . .

me: wow. pretty.

katinka: that's -- what you call -- stuff to make flow-er?

me: flour?

katinka: for bread?

me: yea. in english it's "wheat."

katinka: wheat. we have lots of wheat. do you have wheat in kansas?  ¶ 9:02 AM

  commies

oslo, with its 25% sales tax, is enough to give a new yorker pause. was i really COMPLAINING about 8 cents on the dollar two weeks ago? zowie. no wonder they sell cigarettes by the half-pack here.  ¶ 3:00 AM

  norwegians are cute

thank you = takk

no = nei

good afternoon = god dag

please/you're welcome = vær så god

cheers! = skål!

do you take credit cards? = tar du kredittkort?

i gathered a million blueberries today off the side of a mountain and drank from a freezing clear stream. a girl named katinka helped me gather shells on the beach. she introduced me to norwegian trance and brown cheese for breakfast.

norway keeps a low profile and it's a good thing. if everyone saw what i see, everyone would be here . . . and norway wouldn't be norway.  ¶ 12:03 PM

  goodbye

i am splittin. for britain. and norway.  ¶ 3:12 PM